PROCRASTINATION & MY Spiritual Spring Clean
I've been a procrastinator ever since I can remember. I was never the kid who had her outfit picked out the night before or started an assignment the day it was given. I built complex diorama models until dawn, created morning clothing disasters in my closet daily and studying flashcards on my walk to the school bus.
I was a straight A student... and a fashionable one at that. Even still, I told myself that good students and smart people didn't procrastinate. Successful people didn't procrastinate. And that someday, I would cut it out. I would meal prep on Sunday nights for the week. I would have my holiday shopping complete in July. I would have finals due on draft due dates.
I spent years, rather decades, attempting to shame myself into stopping my procrastinating behaviors. And it never worked. In fact, it created harm where I later found out none was.
Let me back up. I made a resolution in 2010 to break up with my fictitious ideals of me being a non-procrastinator. I literally set an expiration date to stop trying to be someone I so clearly was not. It was a radical twist on the notion of resolutions which tend to be about becoming who you want to be, who you think you should be... for me it became about letting go of the idea of who I should be to allow space to just be who I already was. Unapologetically.
I began to accept this part of myself. This procrastinator part of myself that I was conditioned to believe for so long was wrong, was bad....was in my way of success.
And in turn, I began to love this part. I slowed down my mental battle with it to the point at which I began to invite in procrastination. I began to see myself as smart, good and capable in spite of and possibly because of my procrastination. I began to not fear it, but to embrace it... leaning into a trust that now tells me procrastination is not there to crush me, but rather to support me. Because the truth is, procrastination itself never hurt me, it never caused pain in my life. The pain came from my hatred towards it.
That's the thing... so often in life, it is not our seemingly challenging parts that cause us discomfort, it's how much we hate, how much we resist those parts, that does.
So in the spirit of living March, let's have a Spiritual Spring Clean. What self-perceptions that perhaps are not even true and certainly limit you from fully and wholeheartedly loving yourself, can you clean out? What destructive, unproductive shameful thoughts about magnificent you, can you release? And instead what type of self-awareness, acceptance, and love can you create? When the weight of shame is discarded, a space of newness and openness is born allowing us to move into our pure potential.
Let's embrace the idea that maybe, just maybe, those unlovable parts, are entirely lovable and completely necessary. And then let's love the hell out of them.
Writing to you late, but always on time~